Cheated in Relationship? | Help is on Your Way
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We’ve been friends since our school time and then went into a relationship eventually. It’s been 7 years since we have been enjoying each other’s company and were planning to get married. It was perfect until this happened, I could never imagine someone whom I had blind faith on would break my heart & soul! I found out he had been cheating on me & I am all broken now, what should I do?
One feels broken & devastated if being cheated on. No one would like to experience such heartbreak and an emotionally numbing experience ever! Many couples part ways after they find out their partner cheating on them, while many give second chances to their relationship. Whatever the case may be, infidelity leaves us in shock and despair, not knowing what to do next. We sometimes look out for signs if the partner is cheating on us.
Signs & Symptoms of Infidelity
The signs are different for each person, but there are a few common symptoms that you might resonate with:
- Loss of emotional intimacy
- Change in appearance & personality
- Hostility & insincerity towards the relationship
- Getting secretive about their whereabouts
- Changes in desire for intimacy
- Frequent change of passwords
- Getting private about their phone
Causes of Infidelity
The causes might vary from boredom to emotional & sexual dissatisfaction. Read on below:
Primary Factors
Lack of Effective Communication
Communication is the basis of understanding. If you cannot exchange your viewpoints with your partner, you might lose that spark. Not being able to open up to their partners for emotional fulfillment may make the other one seek to fill that gap somewhere else. Try to communicate well to solve issues bothering both of you.
Sexual Dissatisfaction
Dissatisfaction, be it sexual or emotional, can lead either partner to look for it somewhere else. If the relationship is devoid of any excitement and the couple is incompatible sexually, they might cheat. It is proven in a study by The Normal Bar, that 71% of men & 49% of women cheat out of sexual boredom.
One-Sided Efforts
When was the last time you appreciated your partner for their efforts? A relationship is always about two people working together to keep things going, but when one decides to stop pleasing the other, the chances of infidelity increase. Feeling neglected or the only one to make it work, the burden might make them seek comfort in another companion.
Lack Of Respect
Complimenting, extending support, and being best friends are the key drivers of a relationship. If your partner doesn’t treat you well, doesn’t appreciate you for being “who you are,” it can lead to brewing up feelings of neglect leading to an affair elsewhere.
Incompatible Personalities
What was the reason that sparked the connection with your partner? Is it the same, is any spark left between you two? Do you get into conflicts more than you understand each other? When the former takes precedence over the latter, the partner might develop the tendency to cheat. It might be due to different attachment styles, different expectations, and differences in core values & belief systems.
Insecurities
One might tend to get insecure and clingy over time, leading to frustration and conflicts. It is also possible that one needs to prove their worth as they “still got the chase” and go for an affair with younger or richer ones.
Secondary Factors
Work Pressure, Financial Stress & Family Issues
When couples are unable to deal with problems, financial or family issues, they might get frustrated and tired of the relationship. When someone else understands their problems & makes them feel comfortable, they find solace outside of the relationship.
Internet & Pornography
Getting connected to new people can provide the excitement one is looking for. It can lead to emotional cheating out of loneliness or boredom. Also, pornography has been reported as dangerous for a stable relationship due to unrealistic expectations, making the partner find a “getaway”.
Lack of Quality Time
When in a long-distance relationship, partners are unable to spend quality time together. The attachment might fade away due to extended periods at work, leaving the other one lonely. It might be the case that both are at work & they find someone who gives that missing connection. There could be numerous reasons where one can cheat their partner. It is important to take a break and come out of it.
Tips to Recover from Betrayal
Accept Your Feelings
It is okay to feel agitated, hurt, depressed when cheated on. Accept your feelings and the fact that it is no more than before.
Forgive Your Partner
Do not seek revenge or betray the partner. Avoid the blame game, accept that you have been unable to resolve the issues brewing up. Forgive your partner to maintain your peace.
Focus On Yourself
It is time that you focus on self-care and healing instead of turning it into something worse. Chase your goals and develop self-love to restore your faith & confidence.
Connect With Close Friends & Family
Seek solace and comfort in your family & friends. Let them intervene if they can help you out to make things better.
Keep Your Kids Out Of It
Don’t let the burden of a broken relationship fall on your kids, love them more, and do not share details with them. It can make them choosing sides, losing faith in relationships, costing them their childhood & future.
Talk To Your Partner
Try to talk to your partner about the reasons why he or she connected with the other person. Understand what went wrong and why, if required, fix it.
Seek expert advice
When unable to move on or fix the relationship, seek advice from an expert, who can be a counsellor or an astrologer. Many times, there is a Dosha in our kundali, which we are unable to figure out. There is a definite correlation between Extramarital affairs and their influence by planets An expert opinion can surely go a long way in solving this mess.
A relationship is always about putting in the effort and keep other people in a happy place. If being cheated on, restore your calm and balance by loving yourself more