Top 50 Funny Guitar Jokes and Puns
The focus for the day is guitar jokes. As we turn the tables and ridicule ourselves… The guitarists on guitar. Lie back, unwind, and chuckle.
If jokes are not your thing, you can always peruse the archive of guitar lessons on Guitarhabits for a fantastic finger-wrenching exercise and some incredible guitar knowledge.
Classical Guitar Jokes For Music Lovers
What do you call a bass player who only knows two chords? A professional.
What’s the difference between a lawnmower and an Electric Guitar? You can tune a lawnmower.
A man asks the devil: “how much does it cost to be the greatest guitar player in the world?” The devil says: “Give me your soul.”
Two jazz guitarists meet in a bar, and one says, “Hey, I bought your last album, it was really great!” to which the other replies, “Oh so that was you!”.
How does a guitarist get a million dollars? Start off with 2 million and try to make a living playing the guitar.
How do you reduce wind-drag on a bassist’s car? Take the Domino’s Pizza sign off the roof
What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A Bass Player.
The man asks: “What can I get for a dollar?” Devil: “You can become the greatest bass player in the world.”
How long does it take to tune a 12-string guitar? Nobody knows.
What is the difference between a rock guitarist, and a jazz guitarist? One plays three chords in front of thousands of people, the other plays thousands of chords in front of three people.
Why don’t bass players like dating guitar players? Too much treble
What do you call a guitar player who only knows two chords? A music critic.
How do you make a lead guitarist slow down? Put a piece of sheet music in front of him.
What do you call a cow that plays the guitar? A moo-sician.
What did the guitar say to the guitarist? Pick on someone your own size!
Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering A minor.
Why couldn’t the fisherman play his guitar? Because he lost his tuna.
I bought a guitar the other day but it doesn’t work. Guess I should’ve known when the seller said no strings attached.
“Nice guitar, is it a strat?” “Did you just assume my Fender?”
I insulted my wife’s new telecaster. I knew that would off-Fender.
U2’s first few albums have been remastered without the guitars on them. It certainly takes the Edge off them.
Just had a guy threaten to attack me with the neck of a guitar. I asked him, “Is that a fret?”
Dracula with a guitar: “Anyvays here’s vondervall.”
Why can’t Woody play his guitar? He doesn’t know where his Pixar.
What do you call a guitar that never finishes a job? A quitar.
I used to hate my guitar lessons I always fretted going to them.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar. I replied, “Is that a fret?”
Why did Darth Vader search the guitar shop? To find the hidden rebel bass.
Why don’t bass players tell blonde jokes? They don’t understand them.
Asked a friend why he was licking his guitar. He said he had a good taste in music.
Saw an advert for a really quiet guitar on eBay. No strings attached.
A chap with a guitar case at Heathrow Airport asks a man on the underground, “How do I get to the Royal Albert Hall?” The man answers, “practice”.
What’s the difference between a Jazz bassist & a large Pizza?? The pizza can feed a family of 4.
How can you tell a guitarist is worried? He frets a lot.
What is the definition of an optimist? A guitar player with a business card.
Hi, I’m here to tune your guitar. I didn’t call a guitar tuner. Yeah, I know, but the neighbors called.
How does a guitar player show up for practice? Drunk and late as usual.
How can you tell when your guitarist is out of tune? His hand starts moving.
What do you call a guitarist that never finishes a job? A guitar.
What does it mean when a guitar player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth? The stage is level.
What’s the difference between a guitar & a ukulele? It only takes you half as long to burn a ukulele.
How do you know it’s a guitarist at the door? He starts arguing with the door.
Did you hear about the guitar player that was stressed? He was strung out!
How many “deadheads” does it take to change a light bulb? They don’t change it. They just wait for it to burn out, and then they follow it around for 30 years.
Why are so many guitar players jokes one-liners? So the rest of the band can understand them.
What does the radio host say to their guitar every night? Stay tuned!
What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a guitarist? A tattoo.
What does a guitar player say when he gets to his gig? – Would you like fries with that?
How do you get a million dollars? Start with 2 million and try to make a living playing the guitar.
What do you call a guitar player with half a brain? Gifted.
What did the guitarist do when he wanted to turn his amp on? He caressed it slowly and told it that it loved it
How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just steal somebody else’s light.
How do you invite a guitar musician to a party? Chordially.
Why can’t bass players get through a door? He either can’t find the key, or he doesn’t know when to come in!