“Be Careful Who You Trust” – 10 Tips to Avoid Getting Betrayed in a Relationship (Know the Backstabbers)
You should always be careful who you trust. Learning to be cautious about who you trust requires time. As we age, we learn through experience that there are some people we can trust and a vast majority we cannot.
Even in committed relationships such as marriage, betrayals of trust can throw one off balance.
It is exceedingly difficult to survive if we do not learn to trust people and find it in our hearts to love. There is nothing worse than believing someone deserves your trust only to discover that they have not earned it. When you feel betrayed, it is difficult to believe that you can trust them again. The goal is to avoid repeating the same error.
Often, we assume that the people we love would reciprocate our affection and loyalty, but this is not always the case. Regardless of who you choose to confide in, there are some fundamental rules you may follow to avoid being embarrassed, disappointed, and let down.
1. If They Have Betrayed Once, They Will do it Again
If there is one fact about human nature, it is that we are creatures of routine. Everyone is capable of making errors. You may consider giving that person a second opportunity if they feel remorse and are dedicated to never committing the same error again. Nevertheless, it depends on what they did, the surrounding circumstances, and how you feel in your gut.
Typically, the proverb “Once a cheater, always a cheater” is accurate. Not always, but frequently If someone has a history of betraying your confidence, there is nothing to prevent them from doing it again.
Keep in mind that not everyone merits your trust. If they make the same error twice, that is a significant red flag and a sign to walk away immediately.
2. You not Violating Their Trust Does Not Imply the Same Behaviour From Them
We frequently presume that we live by the same rules as everyone else. The older I become, the more I realise that the presumption that everyone shares my thoughts and emotions is completely incorrect.
Never assume that everyone shares the same ethics and values as you, even if you have a personal code of conduct. We each adhere to our own set of norms and morals.
3. Be Wary of “Drama Queen”
Be wary of who you trust, as the drama queen is more interested in creating drama than in being a friend. If they know something tasty that will bring them attention merely by knowing *and spreading* the information, they will likely betray you for the attention the tale will garner for them. To determine who the drama queen of a group is, you must evaluate the group in question.
Typically, the drama queen cannot control themselves. They are entirely oblivious that their actions are harmful to anyone. Under the pretence of being concerned about you and attempting to seek others’ assistance, nothing is typically off-limits. It only takes a “bless your heart” for someone to reveal your deepest, darkest secrets while making it seem as though they are doing you a favour.
4. If Someone is Discussing the Third Person With You, they are also Discussing You With Others
The adage, “Be very wary of whom you place your trust,” is never more applicable than when you’re with someone who badmouths others. If someone betrays the trust of another person by discussing it with you, they will likely do the same to you.
They do not have one set of rules for your friendship and another for the person about whom they are spreading rumours. It’s only a matter of time before they reveal your secrets with their forked tongue. You are not that special to warrant the trust of someone who cannot keep a confidence.
5. Don’t rely on the Adage “Innocent Until Proven Guilty”
Listen to those who inform you that someone is speaking about you behind your back. Most of us prefer to feel that we are superior and are unwilling to accept contrary information. Instead of naively believing, be wary of who you trust, confront the individual, and consider the situation critically.
6. Sharing Your Innermost Secrets Does Not Bring People Closer
You will not strengthen your relationship with someone by revealing your deepest, darkest secrets. If someone wants to develop a personal relationship with you, they do not need to know that you wet the bed when you’ve had too much to drink or that you accidentally cheated on your lover once.
Self-disclosure or revealing one’s secrets to another person does not bring them closer to you. Secrets may cause individuals to feel uncomfortable around you and make them wish you had simply kept quiet.
7. “I do” Does Not Always Indicate “I do Too.”
The phrase “I do” does not automatically imply “I pledge to keep everything in our relationship private.” Unfortunately, the other person may not mean that when they say it. Not all married people view their relationship as sacrosanct and will have no trouble revealing their problems and private confessions. Unfortunately, marriage is not necessarily a promise of trust.
8. Never Ignore Your Inner Voice
If your inner voice warns you not to trust everyone or to withhold information when speaking, pay attention. There is a purpose for our inner voice. It was designed to prevent us from injuring ourselves or making costly errors. Too frequently, we disregard our intuition, which turns out to be correct.
9. Don’t Give Them Many Chances
Fool me once, and you’re a fool. Fool me twice, and I’ll be embarrassed. And deceive me thrice? I have no suggestions for that whatsoever. This demonstrates a complete lack of concern for one’s safety. Be wary of whom you place your faith in, and recognise that you do not deserve to be betrayed.
If someone has violated your confidence once, you can no longer trust them. Whether you choose to believe it or not, that is simply how things are. If they have done it previously, there is a possibility they will do it again. twice betrayed your trust? They can’t be relied upon, so wave farewell.
10. If They Are Not Generous, Neither Should You
If someone doesn’t tell you anything about themselves, it’s usually a hint that they’re either uninterested in what you have to say or unwilling to earn your trust.
What makes you believe that a person wants to hear what you have to say if they don’t open up to you? What makes you believe you should divulge any secrets about yourself? You won’t be able to get them to open up if they haven’t already, and revealing your innermost thoughts won’t help.
In case You Have Been Betrayed; What Should You Do Now?
If you have ever experienced betrayal, you know that it stings like hell. At the time, you swear you will never trust another human being again. Human nature being what it is, you will inevitably begin to desire intimacy with others within a little while.
Know these steps to recover after having your trust broken?
- Be wary of anyone you trust. Remember the aforementioned 10 points and do not be careless with your secrets.
- Go Slow. Go at your own pace in rebuilding your relationship and trust.
- Communicate with your new partner, presuming a love relationship exists. If they are a decent person, they will fully comprehend that you’ve had a negative experience and wish to move carefully. Over time, you will begin to rebuild your trust, but don’t anticipate immediate miracles.
- Never blame a new individual for the actions of someone from your past. Carrying around excess baggage can only make you unpleasant. So, while you need not take a blind leap of faith, you must at least close one eye and have some faith in your ability to identify a cheater.
- Always be vigilant with whoever you place your trust on. As long as you don’t let your prior experiences prevent you from opening up, there’s nothing wrong with being cautious at all times.